Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Heat

Three second left
Tre was hit
Tres players left
Trio among stars
Trinity will be broken
Triple double
Thrice titles
3's Company

This is an experimental poem about the number three. It may make sense who I'm talking about based off the title. Hopefully, it didn't give it away. If you are a basketball fan, you know what I'm saying.

I hope you enjoy!

Beer Me

Once a dog brought me a beer. The beer was delicious, but the teeth marks made drinking the beer nearly impossible. The corgi pierced through the red tin can. Beer was pouring out from all sides where the insignificant corgi bit into. Those tiny hole punches seeped of a yellow haze; not fully clear nor tasteful. When drinking out of the top, beer spewed onto my white shirt. While it did not bother me, it did bother the patrons at the party. I guess I should have worn a bra.

I wanted to make a humorous prose poem. I wish I knew dogs that could bring people beer. That would be great. I believe choosing a corgi and calling it insignificant brings up many ideas towards this poem. I tried to make it a little vague, but I wanted to be somewhat descriptive.

I hope you enjoy!


The morning haze stops
Cars appear out of nowhere
Accidents happen

This haiku is pretty straight forward. While I may not mention the season, does fog really have a season? It can be year around when you live in Texas. Driving in it while on my way to George Bush Highway was very dangerous. I do not trust other drivers and the fog makes it worse.

I hope you enjoy!

The Modern Lazareth

Ring around the losers
The ones they call shot callers
They think "I'm the best"
They're nothing but waste
I lay waste to them like my mothers broken vase
I knocked that thing over the other day
It felt great and looked like a piece of art
For that vase was looking at me stupid
I mistreated it when I tried to loot it
Into my bag, I run out the door
When the vase dropped, I hit the freakin' floor
I shriked like a woman
My mother came out
She yelled, "What's going on?"
I was already across my lawn
I need to sell some crap today
Make my living on some crack today
I need to make some crap today
Make my living on knickknacks today
Out comes a hobo, staring into my soul
I ask him to move it, but he grabs my roll
Is a hobo trying rob me?
Not today buddy, I'm on him like a cotton swab
I speed across the high way
Dodging traffic left and right
A golden prius comes into my sight
Before I make a dive across these hazards
I turn around and act like Lazareth

I believe the person in this story is crazy. While he has bad intentions, he does still have a strong faith. Though a Hobo robbed him, he continued to believe he could be invincible after a car hits him. If four days pass after his car accident, I have a feeling he may not live.

I hope you enjoy!

Who is Rud

Rud is Rude
Rud uses Rudimentary
Rud likes Ruderalis
Rud studies acting Rudiments
Rud enjoys Paul Rudd
Rud is Rud

Experimental poem about a fellow named Rud. I thought of words that can be spelled with "rud" in it and came up with some. I enjoyed putting Pall Rudd in there.

I hope you enjoy!

Monday, April 29, 2013

My Window

Elementary my dear
1 + 1 = WINDOW
Do you not believe me?
Give me your hands and I will show you:
Make a 1 with your left index finger
Make a + both of your index fingers
Make a 1 with your right index finger
Make an = with both index fingers
And there you have it,
A widow.
You can pear through.
Stick your figures through.
Clean thoroughly with waiter and slop.
Your window.

This is an experimental poem. I like how I learned this dumb joke in elementary school and it stuck with me so long. If you really do what I said in the poem, it does make a window; mind-blowing, I know.

I hope you enjoy!

What's Under the Sheets

Under the sheets again,
You must be hiding from monsters.
They come out at night to get you,
Steal your lunch money break through
Your tiny inch of fear "protection."
A slight tear comes down the sheet.
Instead of running, you hit the monster with your feet.
The monster cries and screams aloud,
"Why did you kick me," the monster says with doubt.
The child kicks again, and the monster starts to run,
But the child does not stop, it grabs a toy gun.
The child shoots clear, their father taught them well.
The child practices on stuff animals; especially on that Tigger he hates.
Nerf darts fly, winding and true
The monster starts to leave and cries out, "BOO WHO!"
Before the monster leaves, it whispers one thing:
"Until next time child, I'll scare you again!"

Monsters are scary. I don't think I was afraid of any. I was more afraid of Zombies when I saw my brother playing the first Resident Evil. That freaked me out!

I hope you enjoy!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Up So Close

Up so close
To my face
Instead you see lace
Turn around and run
The future is clear
Right in front of you
Instead you frown
It should be upside down
Two little words
Are they so hard to say
No matter the time and day
"I do" not make mistakes
So far away
At a bus station in May
The sun is setting
With people all etching
Words similar to your vows
You head back South
Up so close
To my beautiful face
You see my lace
Turn around and kiss me

With all the weddings happening and such, I thought this would be appropriate. Two of my good friends are getting married soon and it is going to be pretty awesome. I had a CAKE song stuck in my head writing this. If you sing it to "Up So Close," it makes more sense.

I hope you enjoy!

Monday, April 22, 2013

[Blank] is Trending

A trending topic is trending
My clothes are always trending
My shoes are always trending
My swag is always trending
YOLO is always trending

Hashtag after hashtag, everything is trending
When I hear a bird chirp, I think of twitter
My addiction is like a band named Jane
Drops of Jupiter never cease the rain

The newest youtube video is out and it's trending
It could be the next Afro Ninja or Tay Zonday
Rewind, fast-forward to the best part
Each video is inspiring, a real piece of art

Some trending days can be a tragedy in the making
Trending relevant news topics so devastating
The question is not how, where, why, or when
Staying informed is the reason we go out and trend

With all the events going on lately, I find it appropriate to talk about trending. Anything can trend on Twitter. From news about bands coming back, to the newest youtube sensation and even tragic events. Twitter is actually my main source for news if you can believe that. I wish Facebook never existed and all we had was Twitter some days.

I hope you enjoy!

Painstakingly Bad

I am a shooting star
Your one star point guard
If you don't like what I say
Then I will send you away

I turn players heads
With each step I take
The crowd always cheers
Instead of throwing their beers

If I had a beer
I'd throw it at my coach
He is unlawfully bad
I really feel that I've been had

If you take him away
I'll play better, no mistake
This season was a waste
Our coach painstakingly bad
Painstakingly bad
Painstakingly bad

My coach has been fired
The entire stadium is an uproar
I can't believe this day has come
Next season we will be in the finals run

I believe we will win
I believe we will win
I believe we will need a better coach to win

This is how I think Kyrie Irving was thinking after the season. Byron Scott was fired. He was happy and singing something similar to this to the theme of "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly. That's right, that song from Space Jam!

I hope you enjoy!

Friday, April 19, 2013

Underwater Levels Suck

Once in the ocean, your speed is unmatched.
Soaring through the water like a submarine.
Each bubble is enticing since it gives you life.
Each creature can be brutle without a fight.
Look out for needles, and counter too.
You do not want to be over blued.
With your feet running as fast as they can,
They will not stop with the controller in your hand.
Jump up for air, before the counter reaches zero.
Give Sonic life, so he can be a hero.

This is a tribute to Sonic and ALL THE LEVELS THAT ARE UNDERWATER AND SUCK! I hate those levels the most. I get lost and die most of the time. Sigh, I love Sonic though. He is the Mario of Sega.

I hope you enjoy!

Doggie Drive Thru

The songbird creates a melody. A melody dictates your song. Your song is, honestly, terrible. What on God's green Earth would you sing at 4 in the morning? I am still asleep, dreaming of the perfect woman. When she opened her mouth, all I hear is tweet, tweet, tweet. Well, here is a tweet for you: SHUT UP! Better yet, let me update my status: "Birds need to shut up between the hours of 10 pm - 10 am" (I wonder how many likes I will get for that). 12 hours of quite, is that so bad? I would hope not since I need my beauty sleep along with my dog. Once you wake up him, it's game over man. He barks nonstop and will not go back to sleep until he gets his meal. Why can't we have a tiny drive through for dogs to go to like us humans? They can go out the doggie door, to a tiny dog fast food restaurant, get some food with bones as payment. Maybe I should invest in this... THANKS BIRDS FOR GIVING ME A GREAT IDEA!

Prose poems can be fun, but long. At first, it was supposed to be about a song. Then it went to a angry person who hates birds for chirping. Finally, it ended up being about a great idea! Wouldn't that be cool? A doggie drive thru? Someone should get on that...

I hope you enjoy!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

The Perfect Sandwich

One day, you will be mine. You are so tasty, I'm starting to drool all over myself.
When I put you in my mouth, I think about all the deliciousness my taste buds are
about to encounter. You barely fit between the buns, but that's alright, I will still eat
you all up. I remember trying you for the first time. Meats laced with all kind of
vinaigrette. Cheese melted to perfection. The spinach is so crisp that the Gods
themselves would bow to this perfect specimen. Heated to the perfect temperature.
Wow, I need two hands to eat this huh? This beast sure will tamed by my stomach.

Have you ever dreamed of the perfect sandwich? Have you ever eaten the perfect sandwich? Wow, I just want a sandwich now. I may go to Pot Belly's today to get one. Also, this would be considered another shape poem. I made it look like an awkward looking sandwich.

I hope you enjoy!

Doe, A Beer

Doe, a beer, a man made beer
Ray, a brother with a son
Me, a bane of all existence
Far, a long walk to my car
Sew, a person better not approach me
La, short for Lady Gaga
Tea, a drink never drank late at night
That will end my song
Do, te, la...forget it

I hope you like my shorten version of my song. It could be called a better version of the song, but you be the judge. I will admit though, the Sound of Music is actually a pretty awesome film.

I hope you enjoy!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Bring Forth My Next Opponent

Blood, the final bout
Brought to you by the gladiator federation

He can throw his spear hundreds of feet
Shaved his own chest with a dull knife
Cuts scalps off all his victims with less than a fight

You may know him from such deaths where
He cut out each finger nail and fed them to a lion or when
He cut out his victims tongue and fed it to the dogs
It sounds like he loves cutting in some shape or manner

Come one and come all
See the gladiator cut someone else
Who needs the strength of 10 men
When he uses a knife as another appendage

Brought to you by the gladiator federation

I feel like I'm writing about a horrible tv show or gladiator event. I'm not sure what brought this to be, but it was fun to think about gruesome deaths for a bit. The finger nails was inspired from Game of Thrones.

I hope you enjoy!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Director's Choice

A virtual reel was brought to life thanks to the directors eyes
His vision to make this film was never defiled by the studio heads
An R rating sufficed, but it was a soft R since it included rhetoric devices
In which a man preaches to a choir about racism in the community
While heavy gun fire rains over the cathedral hall and St. Mary herself gazes in amazement
This is not the first film the director has done where whole hearts explode out the chest (figuratively and metaphorically)
As the days pass, premiere day was imitate, reviewers were tearing the movie apart
The director is soft spoken about his stylistic approach, but he does not fret
This movie will be his masterpiece stringed together with well met eyes among his colleagues
The only problem is his colleagues are not a fan of gore and happen to be under the age of 13

Yes, a young directors dream. Create a film not suitable for a certain audience. Getting your name out there is the hardest part, but if you do, you can make it big in the industry. Many Texas directors are among the best. Who will be next?

I hope you enjoy!

Loud Bar Patrons

Loud bar patrons stay 20 minutes longer than expected. Before they hit the streets, they hit the bottom of our floor, oozing with enthusiasm. All I hear is mumbling while I yell if they are ok to drive. Instead of calling a cab, I let them out slowly, hoping to see their business again someday. Cleaning up their mess, a receipt is sticking out. It reads: "Unfortunately, I tried to drink myself to death. I apologize for putting this on your conscious but if you see me again, that will be a miracle."

I run outside as fast as I can hoping he has not gone too far. I take one step outside and trip over an unconscious body; the fellow bar patron puked his guts out. I picked him up and took him in. His business will always be mine.

I wrote this while at a bar the other day. Not sure why, but it could have been because we stayed 20 min after closing at a delicious pub. None of this happened that night, as far as I know.

I hope you enjoy!

Friday, April 12, 2013


Have you
Done for me
All you are is a
Drop and nothing
More but evermore
I need you cherish you
You make up much of my
Body yet I do not get enough
Of you it's sad really when you
Think about how well nourished I
Am but without you I can die and be
No more when I work out and lose all
Hope I drink you up as fast as possible
Praying that my insides do not give up
On me and I go into shock from the
Five miles I just ran what have
You done for me besides
Keep me hydrated

I'm just all about experimental poems today. If you can't tell what it is or by the title, then I don't know what to do or say. Water, we all need it. Also, after running lately, I need it bad.

I hope you enjoy!

Compose, Compromise, Complete and Application

Compose a compromise that completes the application
Compose the application and complete the compromise
Compose complete and the application is compromised
A compromise is composed of a completed application
A compromise is completed and composed by the application
A compromise is an application that is composed completely
A complete compromise is composed by the application
A complete application was compromised prior to composing
A complete composed application is compromised
The application is composed of a compromise that needs completing
The application is a compromise that was completely composed of
The application is completely compromised upon composed

Experimental poetry at its best. Pretty much, rewording things can show different meanings. It is weird to look at it this way, but many people in poetry like to make words appear in different places as a strategy. I had no strategy here, which makes it different.

I hope you enjoy!

Greed Without Reed

What is GREED when spelled without REED
That's what you are
You suspect to do GREAT things
But what have YOU accomplished
I have MONEY because of you
I have KIDS because of you
I have EVERYTHING I ever wanted
But for WHAT
My life is MISERABLE
The kids HATE you
Even the dog takes a PISS in your shoes
Why don't you LEAVE
My MOTHER was right about you
She said AVOID the money and FAME
We ARGUE everyday
If I go LEFT in the hallway
You go RIGHT
I THREW your shoes away yesterday
Were they your FAVORITE pair

I have no idea how this came about. I thought about Greed and naming the character Reed. Also, lots of capitalization. I would put this under experimental poetry.

I hope you enjoy!

Wiggle Your Big Toe

You say hello
While I say goodbye
Opposite lyrics attract
The attention to a young tenant
She knows she will never see the man again
Since he is being taken out by paramedics
The man randomly had a meltdown
Fell down some stairs
And broke both his hips
Since every floor of the apartments
Requires a step ladder to get into
He will no longer be a tenant here
If lucky, he might be able to wiggle his big toe

I'm not sure how I thought about this. I believe I was singing the Beatles song Hello and thought about reversing the lyrics. Then a woman came to mind and a guy hurting himself. Weird indeed.

I hope you enjoy!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Cue the Bells

Here is a rock
This rock is your life
It will rock your world
Never stab it with a knife

Here is a lock
This lock needs a pick
It will open your world
Wait for that click

Here is a glass
This glass is half full
It will clear your mind
Retort to the bull

Here is a bull
This bull has sharp horns
It will mess with your body
Wave red and be mourned

Here is a person
This person is you
It will cloud your perception
Go find the pew

What does the title mean? Does it coexist with the "pew" mentioned? When I was writing this, I wasn't expecting a wedding, so it was a nice turn of events.

I hope you enjoy!

Run Between the Lines

Beat the best.
If you aren't first, good.
Run slow.
Depressing? I know.
These words of discouragement are what all my runners hear.
It's not their fault they suck, it's my fault for encouraging them.
The track is long, and they frolic like overweight cats.
If a dog was on their tail, they would lose nine lives.
Not only that, but they don't understand why their are white lines.
Those lines are meant to be barriers from each other.
Instead, they run in and out of the white lines making Bugs Bunny look like their God.
At the half lap marker, only one parasite has crossed that threshold.
It has been five minutes already, but my expectations were low anyway.
Yelling does seem to make them go faster,
However, they only encourages them to go slower.
I will never understand 4th graders...

I hope no one has ever had a gym teacher like this. I had to think, which kids would be pretty slow since they don't really care about running. The next thought was 4th grade. You know there was one kid who was decently fast, but still. Running is doing things to me...

I hope you enjoy!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Magic Carpet Ride

Bling, bling
Goes my chain when it flickers in the light
I work on a chain gang with such delight
At its height, I'm ridiculous when it comes to the law
I'm a law biting citizen who barks like a wild dog
Because shit hits the fan when you come listening
I run out the door before all the heads are splitin'
Dodge some cops like I was blitzing
They're the O-line and pissing in their pants
Off comes the shoes and now I'm in socks
I like to pop and lock, but now isn't the time
If a stop for a moment, I'll be sure to get caught
This ought to be easy, stupid overweight cops
I run into the sewer and what did I find
A little street fight who was mighty fine
At stealin', dealin' and singin too
Take me on a magic carpet ride with ya boo

I funny very short rap about random things. I believe the man is on the run...

I hope you enjoy!

Monday, April 8, 2013

My Ankle, It Hurts

My ankle, it hurts
Like a dolphins back being rode on for much too long
My ankle, it burns
Like Icarus flying so close to the Sun and most likely falling on his ankle
My ankle, it yearns
Like a wolf to be the head of the pack
My ankle, it learns
Like any normal person would except that I will keep pushing forward
My ankle, it hurts

Yeah, my ankle is not doing well today. It is really sore since I jogged a mile and a half the other day. It is the furthest I've ever jogged in my life. I was pushing myself, which I probably shouldn't, but after the ankle went numb, I thought, "Why the hell not?" Boy, did I make a mistake. Hopefully it is good by tomorrow when I have to run again.

I hope you enjoy (my pain)!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Quick Date

Rock hard abs
Muscular calves
Doomsday clock
Wrinkles flock

Skin tight dress
Dressed to impress
Button down shirt
An old time flirt

Red high heels
Pays the bills
Rough black shoes
Pick and choose

Late night dinner
A fugitive sinner
Rock hard abs
Muscular calves

I believe this is some people who go on dates. They worry about the small things. They make things go quick. Everything about dates can go faster than intended.

I hope you enjoy!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Drink, Drank, Jrunk

Drink, Drank, Drunk
Did you know there is something passed Drunk?
If you Drink or Drank too much
There is always time to be Jrunk!
That's right, Drunk with a "J" is always the best way
To Drink, Drank and be Jrunk
Being Jrunk is having no control of your body
You sway left, sway right, sway every which way
Dancing is second nature to you
Laughing is constant, never stopping
Handshaking never felt so great
Vomiting is permitted without failure
It may take you a long time to get to this final stage
And you may ask yourself:
Is it worth it?
Well, it is better than Browning Out.

My friends and I have a joke, well mostly me, but spelling "drunk" with a "j" seems right. The Browning Out is in reference to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The shows characters don't black out, they brown out and can remember bits and pieces of the night before.

I hope you enjoy!

Blueberry Muffins

A blueberry muffin means something to me
It taste like heaven, I'll bake a dozen with tea
Goes down nice with cool refreshing water
I don't think twice when I eat, it's a slaughter
Only on occasion I'll have blue on my teeth
It is a persuasion of what I really did eat
While I may look fat and out of shape
I know for a fact when muffins are under a drape
The smell is indulging, the consistency is amazing
My mouth is bulging, I have been phrasing this all wrong

My coworker got me a blueberry muffin this morning for breakfast. I decided to write a poem about blueberry muffins and a crazed victim of them. It was pretty good, but I probably won't eat another one in a very long time.

I hope you enjoy!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Send in the Clowns

What would you do if a clown came up to you and started crying? Would you start singing, "Send in the Clowns?" Maybe you would picture Krusty the Clown singing it instead? Better yet, comfort the clown and make him smile?

While all of these things sound nice, I would leave in an instance. A clown is a clown is a clown. That's right. When a clown shows up, it is their job to be a clown. It doesn't mater how good or bad, they are supposed to be clowning around. If a clown cries, I leave him in his pity. I won't let a clown bring me down, no sir. I will not encourage a clown to turn its frown upside down, uh huh. I would rather punch the clown in the nose just to hear it squeak.

I hate clowns. Please, never send in the clowns.

That's right, I hate clowns. This is a prose poem that I'm proud of since clowns suck. I actually do enjoy the song "Send in the Clowns," but I just hate clowns. They are freaky and I've never had much interaction with them since they partially scare me. I believe my brother was the one that made me hate clowns since he hates them. Also, I blame Stephen King's "It." I know the main character wasn't exactly a clown, but still, have you seen the cover of the movie? Also, I'm all caught up. Let's see how long I can do this!

I hope you enjoy!

What Would Will Do?

What are you doing?
What is going on?
What is up?
What's up?

Which statement should I use today
I text her everyday, so why not change it up
I try to keep things fresh, like the Prince of Bel-Air
Speaking of Will Smith, I wonder what Hitch would do
I wish I could use a corny line and say:
I don't only pursue you, I pursue happyness too.
I really don't want to sound like a Robot
But rather sound like a Legend in the making
I don't always wear Black, but when I do
I want it to be Just the Two of Us
That's what I'll do
Be Will Smith
And get Jiggy Wit it

This is very corey and random. After the Fresh Prince line, I had to keep going with Will Smith. If you can guess all the reference, great job! I probably could keep going since I know his work fairly well. Side note: Will Smith turned down Django because he didn't think he fit the part. I still haven't seen this movie, but I have a feeling it would have been VERY different.

I hope you enjoy!

Doctor Wink

My shrink winked at me today
While shopping at the nearest Kroger
(I probably shouldn't have slept with her)
She has thighs of steel
With pretty nice up tops
Yet, this goes against everything
A doctor should provide
These extra "fees" and "service"
Seems like nothing but blackmail
She has me wrapped around her big toe
(Did I forget to mention I have a foot fetish?)
Every time a session is in progress
She sticks her beautiful 6 inch high heel,
Usually red, right in front of my pants tent
(That's right, I'm not turned on at first since I'm married)
One thing always leads to another
And she is very persuasive with words,
Groans and her cynical smile
(That smile puts a hurting on me)
It is usually painted with red, purple or white
The things she does to me is just not right
Tomorrow, I will tell her I'm seeing another shrink
(She just winked at me again...)

I've been watching The Sopranos too much. If you have yet to watch it, do yourself a favor and starting watching it. It is some of the best television that has ever been on. I'm currently re-watching season one and it is just as good as the first time I watched it. 

I hope you enjoy!